As we approach the summer I want us all to agree on something here: there needs to be rules on the beach.
Here’s how I see it:
1. All tents are to be in the back row. No exceptions.
2. Mid beach is reserved for people with umbrellas
3. Up the front – PWS. People Without Shade. They need to be close to the water anyway to cool off.
4. If you shake your towel and flick me with sand, you owe me a coffee from the kiosk. No pick ups – delivery only
5. If you must talk in a loud voice, be either funny or interesting.
6. If you have hot chips and you are sitting close enough to me that I can smell them, you must share them
7. Under no circumstances feed the seagulls
8. If you are playing music, it needs to be either current or 80s
9. If you are wearing Speedo’s, so be it. But do NOT walk past me and stop. Because when I am sitting, my eye level is not your eye level. Not that eye anyway.
10. If you have a beach body, good for you. I have two children and a love of cake.