One Hit Wonder

The first ever (and only) song I have ever written. As with most classics, this came from a place of great pain.

(To the tune of Jingle Bells)

Car-a-vans. Car-a-vans

A holiday that’s cheap

Where everybody drinks and smokes

And nobody can sleep


Car-a-vans. Car-a-vans

Where everything is tiny

I much prefer a holiday

Where I’m not so whingy-whiny

Setting up the van

In the never ending rain

Why didn’t I remember

That this was such a pain

Communal toilet blocks

Laundry, kitchen too

Where you can live on top of your neighbour

And they live on top of you.


Car-a-vans. Car-a-vans

Life in a red camp chair

Playing board games and eating cheese

Champagne in plasticware


Car-a-vans. Car-a-vans

The mossies won’t be missed

I’ve drunk so much, the ones that bite me

All end up very pissed

Dashing to the toilet

Over stoney, sandy paths

5 loos for 50 people

You can do the maths

Packing up the van

Stressful but of course

I only hope this doesn’t end

With papers for divorce


Car-a-vans. Car-a-vans

Its like living in a box

My hair’s undone, my make up’s off And I’m wearing thongs with socks


Car-a-vans. Car-a-vans

Everyone should try it

Then you will appreciate

Your next stay at the Hyatt.

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