IKEA

I

K eep

E very

A llenkey

My most favourite thing about IKEA is the exit. The path to freedom; where you can sit cross legged and exhausted on the travelator down to the car park, mop your brow and give yourself a well earned pat on the back for surviving – and if you can’t reach your back you can use that long fluro green paddle-like object you bought in the nik nak section purely because you didn’t have one.

You have to hand it to the Scandinavians, they really are a smart bunch. I mean they could’ve stopped 86 years ago when they gave us LEGO, but no, they quickly followed it up with IKEA and then for dessert they gave us ABBA.

But I digress ….

My second favourite thing? The little trolleys in the cafe that your tray fits on. I swear to God they should sell them. Everyone wants to drive it. Everyone wants to clear the table. Kids are even excited about stacking the dishes and separating the rubbish. It’s genius and every family should have one. Heck I’d even buy the trays to go on them!

So what brought us to IKEA on this Sunday morning? Was it because we were down to our last 100 tea lights candles? Was it maybe that we had finally cracked open our third last packet of 20 bag clips? Or maybe we were just sick of opening the laundry cupboard and having 18 years of blue IKEA bags fall out?

No, not just all of that, it was for a new desk for our daughter. She’s moving rooms you see and the husband, whose penchant for interior design is EXHAUSTING, thought she should have a corner desk.

So did we buy a corner desk?

No.

Did we buy an unnecessary desk chair, 8 storage baskets, 16 coat hangers, felt feet for our furniture, a lint remover and Swedish Meatballs?

Yes.

Yes we did.

My third favourite thing: The registers, especially the self serve section for those who love not interacting with people. Unlike the supermarkets, IKEA let us use the little gun scanners. Next level scanning for a pro like me. So as we approach the checkouts I craftily pass a dollar to my daughter and send her off for a hot dog, position myself in front of my husband, arrive at the checkout first with arms out wide and I declare to everyone that “I got this”.

And then: Silence. As we remember that all 18 blue IKEA bags are still in the laundry cupboard at home.

So there you have it. Our annual family outing to IKEA – The one-way marathon of shopping expeditions. Why go from A to B in a shop when you can go via Z taking twists and turns for hours on end.

Until next year – Adjo (that’s Swedish for Goodbye – according to google)

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